What is Self confidence?
Self confidence is a conviction, proven to yourself that you can and will succeed. Self Confidence is far more than just positive thinking.
Self confidence is a state of mind that comes from your own proven successes.
Self confidence is like faith yet not credulity. Faith in yourself that has been established by the evident demonstration of real successes in your life.
With self confidence you keep moving toward your goals, without fear takes over and you quit. With self confidence you integrously move ahead convinced in your values, without your opinion vacillates and procrastination follows.
Yet self confidence can seem illusive to many and it is an issue I presently am working on.
Just as an athlete develops physical strength at the gym, self confidence develops when definite actions and thoughts are consistently exercised.
So what are the laws of achieving self confidence? What exercises can be done to effectively develop of self belief?
The Law of Causation
The Greek philosopher Socrates coined The Law of Causation (or The Law of Cause and Effect as it is sometimes called) states that every successful act there is a repeatable and achievable cause.
By modelling your actions on the successful choices of an achiever you can succeed with mathematical precision.
The converse of the law of Causation is that every unsuccessful act has a repeatable cause. This is compounded by the fact that in modelling a successful person we may not know all the contributing causations of their success.
However we can also learn from our failures, many of us have heard about Edison’s determination to invent the light bulb (although the credit for its invention may rest with his assistant Tesla). His attempts at an incandescent light bulb failed on thousands of occasions, and from each mistake he learned what did not work.
Remember, when the Apollo 11 reached the moon it had been off course some over 90 percent of the time. Yet by monitoring Apollo 11’s progress and constantly readjusting the ships course success was achieved.
Even after the successful invention of the light bulb, financial success of Edison’s invention of the light bulb was not assured. The population was used to the use of gas.
The idea of a light bulb had been tried for years by many other researches and after Edison’s success 600 lawsuits for patent infringement followed. Edison had to prove the integrity of his claim as the inventor.
The law of Becoming. Just as the food we eat becomes part of our physical development, our thinking shapes our psychology.
We are constantly in a state of development or becoming.
Whatever we concentrate our thoughts on is what we become. This is sometimes called The Law of Concentration.
You become what you think about most of the time, so think the thoughts of who you want to be. Dwell on our desires and aspirations.
Avoid thinking of the negatives like one would avoid the plague.
The Law of Correspondence
What we experience coincides with something occurring within us. Our outer achievement is a product of our inner world. This idea has been repeated throughout history from the Babylonian Emerald Tablet through to the great works of character development and success such as Think and Grow Rich, or How to win Friends and Influence People,
So let us consider ways to successfully develop our inner world.
Selecting Your Values
Firstly, think through and decide your values
Self confidence requires we live integrous to our clear values and consistently follow our inner most convictions and aspirations.
Be absolutely clear about what we believe is right and proper.
Like the law of gravity these values may be invisible but to violate them results in predictably adverse consequences.
Do you have a written value statement for your company?
According to Brian Tracey a study over 25 years companies with very clear written values had an average 700% greater profit than those without when measured against companies in the same industry.
One value that needs careful consideration is integrity. Integrity is consistently praised as essential for success in life and business.
Integrity is the one core unifying, organizing principle. Integrity is the value that guarantees all other values.
According to dictionary.com, integrity is defined as
Adherence to moral and ethical principles; soundness of moral character; honesty.
The state of being whole, entire, or undiminished: to preserve the integrity of the empire.
A sound, unimpaired, or perfect condition: the integrity of a ship's hull.
Integrity is perfect, undivided, without blemish, whole or complete. Clearly from the above definition you cannot have a little bit of integrity. You have integrity or you don’t. You live following integrity or you don’t.
To live by integrity, means asking “how will I live from this moment onward?’ then deciding never to violate that value from that moment on. It requires making an unshakeable decision to abide by your values.
To decide comes from the Middle English deciden, the Middle French decider and Latin decidere meaning ‘to cut off’.
Integrity requires deciding to live by values we chose and not by the values of others. We make a choice and decide to ‘cut off’ other alternatives.
Robert Moorehead stated "My face is set, my gait is fast, my goal is Heaven, my road is narrow, my way is rough, my companions are few, my guide is reliable, my mission is clear. I cannot be bought, compromised, detoured, lured away, turned back, diluted, or delayed. I will not flinch in the face of sacrifice, hesitate in the presence of adversity, negotiate... at the table of the enemy, ponder at the pool of popularity, or meander in a maze of mediocrity. I won't give up, shut up, let up, or slow up."
As James Valentine wrote: “It is often lamented that the main cause for unhappiness in life is trading what is wanted most for what is wanted at the moment. Having a significant lifetime purpose helps one focus on long-term achievement and rely less on short-term gratification. If the best things in life really are free, then they are not found in more money and more material possessions. They are found in the values of fulfilment, intimacy, joy, friendship, spiritual wholeness and compassion for our fellow humans.”
Exercises to decide your Values
Who do you admire?
Of all those living or dead that you respect who are they? Gandhi, Jesus, Martin Luther King or captains of industry?
Ask yourself: What qualities did these people have that you admire and desire for yourself?
Write out your obituary or eulogy.
How would you like to be remembered?
What values would you want to describe your ideal self?
Perhaps you have a list of 5 to a maximum of 10 values that describe your ideal self.
Now it is time to prioritise.
Write each of your values on a separate piece of paper.
If you could keep only one value which value would you choose?
That is your foremost value.
Continue this same process, choosing the most important of the remaining values until you have all your values are prioritized.
Whenever we contravene our sense of integrity or have an improper value system our life will come back to bite us.
How many business people place financial success ahead of their family yet the resulting emotional and family breakdown undermines their financial success.
Success requires honest relationship with ourselves and others. To live integrity we cannot follow a course of self deception.
Integrity sees the world and ourselves exactly as they are.
An integrous person refuses to stay in a situation that is disintegrous to him or her. The integrous person never compromises his values for another. His values only change if he realizes they are faulty and he consciously decides to reassess his priorities.
Finally, our true values are manifest by our actions, especially when under stress. It is in times of trauma that our facades diminish and our true character shines through.
Resistance
An athlete develops strength by moving against resistance. The act of lifting weights forces blood, oxygen and nutrition into the muscle cells.
In the same way, when we consistent act by principle, resisting our natural desire to compromise and take the easy way out and moving forward we build on our self respect.
Acting with boldness and Integrity crystallizes into happiness and self respect. This in turn increases our self confidence and results in greater achievement.
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The Law of indirect Effort
Almost all emotional achievement comes to us indirectly. Pursing happiness directly usually fails, but integrously following our purpose and enjoying the success of our achievements results in satisfaction and happiness.
We must develop the habit of growing bigger, increasingly expanding goals. With increasing achievement we develop a positive knowing that we can succeed. You know you have developed the strength and conviction to be unstoppable.
Remember the Law of Causation, our thoughts and actions compound to create our reality. According to The Law of Attraction what we think about is what we attract in our life.
Constant expanding achievement adds to our conviction that our dreams will be achieved and we in turn attract success. Applying the Law of correspondence, a strong self conviction of success in our inner reality will be reflected in our outer reality.
Hence, we need clear goals to achieve clear results.
7. The Law of Concentration
Whatever we dwell on continually will become our reality.
Concentrate on that one dominant desire. Chip away at it concentrating your blows like an axe man concentrates the blows of his axe. Slowly this desire will infect our unconscious mind with the reality that this is who we are and who we will become.
Giants of achievement single mindedly smash one obstacle into submission with massive hammer blows of single minded focus.
“A monumental key to success in any endeavour is single-mindedness of purpose. … Humans are goal oriented creatures. As such, the very act of striving to hit a target is necessary to a persons well being as this gives the individual a certain sense of purpose… People who possess a powerful sense of purpose are happier, have greater health and generally live much longer than their counterparts who lack purpose and who have no objectives of substantial magnitude” states James Lee Valentine.
James adds “Individuals who earnestly strive for successful results have carved out a focused direction for their lives; they know what they want and show firm decision making abilities in heading toward the attainment of their aspirations. These achievement-oriented people are absorbed in what they are doing and are eager to give life all they have to offer. It is one of life’s little miracles that it returns the favour by making their lives richer and fuller.”
Clear goals can give a sense of direction to our lives.
Brian Tracey lists what he calls The Four C’s:
· Clarity Clarity of purpose
· Conviction “I can do’
· Commitment The willingness to act
· Consistency Having the character to act toward your goals every day to achieve your goals.
8. The Law of Emotion and the power of written Goals
Any thought empowered by strong emotion will result in change.
How many could not give up a bad habit until suddenly they had a strong emotionally charged reason to do so.
Ivan Pavlov demonstrated that linking the pleasure of a food to the sound of a bell would result in immediate salvation in animals.
We are no different. If we constantly associate positive celebration and joy with achieving our dreams, we will desire and seek that goal.
The opposite is the experience of fear.
Fear results in procrastination, whereas desire will propel us forward to our goals.
Writing down a goal makes it more real to the subconscious.
Research constantly demonstrates that those who have written goals are far more likely to achieve their dreams.
Brian Tracey claims writing down your goals has at least 3 positive effects:
· Written goals increase self confidence, self concept and increase your self image.
· Written goals give a sense of energy and excitement.
· Written goals are far more likely to be achieved.
The secret to success is having dreams that inspire.
Successful people constantly develop bigger and larger dreams that take them beyond their comfort zone.
Whereas allowing fear to confine our lives to within our comfort zone results in a life of boredom and frustration.
Australian success coach Christy Andronicus recommends making decisions that are 50% exciting and 50% scary. If it’s all exciting but there is no fear its not a big enough goal she explains.
Exercises: How do I develop big dreams?
Imagine if you had just won one million dollars.
What would you do differently?
What would you do with your life? What company would you work for? Where would you live? What would you do?
· If you had only six months to live what would you do?
· List all your problems, and then write down goals that solve these challenges.
· Define who I want to be and design a plan to achieve it.
Look at your life from (at least these) 6 categories;
Financial Goals
Family/Personal Goals
Self Improvement goals
Spiritual Goals
Health Goals
Social/community Goals
Prioritize each list and then choose the one major goal that is the organizing principle of them all.
Finding that over reaching inner motivating desire is extremely important.
To have something we must first be something.
This is the reverse to what most think. Most believe they become something because of what they do.
Whereas we act because of whom we are. True we can change as a result of what we do; however, our changed persona in turn affects our future choices.
Remember, the giants of achievement single mindedly smash one obstacle into submission with massive hammer blows of single minded focus.
An important caveat from Michelangelo: “The greatest danger for most of us is not that our aim is too high and we miss it, but that it is too low and we reach it.”
So aim high with all the gusto and desire you can muster.
People who don’t try simply have impotent goals. A Goal Must Be Measurable
If I were to begin training for a marathon the task would seem insurmountable if I did not have a specific goal and specific sub goals to measure my achievement.
Saying I am going to train for a marathon is a notable goal.
Training for a particular marathon – whose date is known in advance has greater force. The goal is no longer abstract. It has something definite in it. It is a specific target to reach for.
Of course running 42.2 kilometres (26 miles +) is not something we do over night.
Sub goals need be reached.
A major goal can be broken down into smaller goals of 30 and 60 day duration, each target realistically set according to the time allotted.
List what must be done to achieve each target, this way each goal can be measured and prioritised so as to increase your chance of success.
An important reminder:
Celebrate each achievement. If the goals involve your family – even indirectly, make it a family celebration and reward their support and your achievement.
To tell or not to tell? That is the question
Many argue you should tell people your goals. Some argue that by telling people what you force yourself to achieve. Exploiting the fear of embarrassment that failure would bring as a stimulus.
Here you would need to be careful who you told.
Select people who will help you – not your mates who are likely to deride you or make out your goal is too hard. Find encouragement not discouragement.
Our environment has a major influence on our likelihood of success. So develop positive uplifting friendships with successful achievers and people of likeminded values to your own.
Brian Tracey suggests not broadcasting your intent. Tracey suggests putting more effort in action and less in talk.
Just get started and as people see you are serious they will have less reason to undermine your intentions.
Remind Yourself of your Goals Daily
Begin each day writing down your goals in the present tense.
I AM …… a millionaire
I HAVE ….. A new latest model Jaguar.
I DO … exercise at the gym every day
It is true that some teachers argue that stating a goal as achieved when it is not can backfire.
So if you are fighting the inner demons of doubt, perhaps you could reword your goals – especially if your repeat them as affirmations – as a dream.
In my dreams I AM a millionaire
In my dreams I see the new Jaguar I have just bought.
This helps by pass any subconscious doubts until you have strengthened your self confidence to the point that you know you have the inner strength to achieve our goals.
Self confidence will come from the positive knowing that you have the strength of character and determination to succeed.
Self confidence is a conviction, proven to yourself that you can and will succeed. Self Confidence is not just positive thinking. It is far more.
Self confidence is a state of mind that comes from your own proven successes.
Self confidence is like faith – not credulity, but faith in yourself that has been established by the evident demonstration of real successes in your life.
Onward to success,
Brian
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